In-Depth Look at the Disease

Today’s topic is about someone we all know, and we all hate.  Well, except for the uninformed that is.  What I type today is not made up, not warped around anyway, and is pure truth:

Vampressive is an idiot.

I know, I said what most would call common knowledge, but it needed to be said for those who do not know about our server’s resident dumbass.  But we’re going to be diving more into why Vamp is such a moron.  So keep your fingers away from the keyboard lest you say something to get you banned, cause this isn’t going to be a friendly post.

http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Baelgun&n=Vampressive

Let’s start with the gear, going top to bottom, left to right.  Just like real Americans do it!

He has no head glyph currently.  This makes me sad panda because you would think it would be extremely simple to get one.  Just run a few heroics to get to revered with Kirin Tor and you’r golden forever!  But as we take a little gander over at his reputation tab, dear God, he’s exalted with the faction he needs for the head glyph.  I suppose he is too cheap to buy a simple thing to increase his dps.  Either that or he’s too retarded to realize that it’s there.

Move down to his shoulders and we see that he is rocking T7.5, quite impressive indeed.  But alas, no shoulder enchant!  In fact, he doesn’t even have Sons of Hodir on his fucking reputation page.  Meaning?  He obviously does not care about his dps enough to get even a small boost.  Some may think that he isn’t a raider, or he doesn’t play hardcore or some other bullshit reason, but roll with me here.  It’s important to note the dps boosts he’s missing.  Trust me!  Oh and the old +10 crit rating gem is fucking beast.

The bracers have nothing wrong with them.  But notice he has the more expensive enchant on them, which makes you wonder he does not just spend a little more gold for a head glyph or quest a bit for some shoulder enchants.  Strange, if I may say so.

The belt, oh God, the belt.  This is what makes me smile each time I see Vampressive.  This belt is so amazing, because you see, it has a +4 resist all gem in it.  Not only did he get a completely useless piece of shit gem, but he has a TBC gem at that.  Well, another TBC gem I should say.  But it’s ok, because he makes up for it with a +8 intellect and +3 mp/5 gem.  Clearly this helps his maximum amount of mana so he can dps longer and gets more mana back for every evocation, but he also has some mp/5 so he won’t have to evocate as much!  Just FYI, if I knew Vamp in real life, I would not acknowledge that I knew him.  Ever.

That’s about as bad as his gear gets.  But please do note that he doesn’t currently have any piece of gear that drops off any boss past Flame Leviathan, as this is very important.

Let’s check out his spec now!  It’s pretty hard to mess up any PvE spec, as a cookie cutter build is already crafted for every possible spec by some super Elitist Jerk person who knows math like I know my colors/shapes.  And I practiced a lot as a child, that star never confused me.

You can see that he has some extra points in frost that improve his frost damage, and reduces frostbolt’s cast time by .1 second.  Now you have to spend 10 points in frost to get to Icy Veins, but it is common sense to get only the ones you need for it.  As an arcane mage, there isn’t any frost move you should be using when seriously dps’ing a boss, save for maybe a blizzard because it makes pretty snow or something.  The extra 3 points could easily be thrown over into Arcane into Slow and to max out Student of the Mind.  That’s not only a cool ability to help with normal questing and junk, but it’s 6% more spirit!  Maybe if he had more spirit he wouldn’t OoM so much and wouldn’t need the mp/5 gem.

Some may also once again say that it doesn’t matter that much, he might not be a hardcore raider or he’s like 4 years old or he’s blind and messes up his spec, but just remember what I typed here.  I swear to God I’m building up on something, and when you read it all it will blow your head off.

Achievements time!  I’m going to skip to the important ones right now: Ulduar.  It’s pretty disappointing, seeing that all he has done is FL, both 10 and 25.  I mean, nearly all the Siege of Ulduar bosses are retardedly easy.  As in, so retardedly easy it’s almost a bunch of Void Reaver fights all over again.  You must once again remember this part, as it is extremely important to what I’m building up on.  I know I’ve asked so much of you already, and if I keep going I’ll probably have to pull out the engagement ring out on you, but keep doing me a small favor, and I’ll repay you!

PS Naxx is hard apparently.

Time to deal with Vamp as a player in general.  We’re done diving into his armory, it’s nasty in there.  This is where this post will get fun.  If you are a fan of Vamp, and don’t want to see him insulted, I want you to catch yourself on fire then type me a 3 page essay on why Vamp is a good person.  I bet you won’t be able to do it.

His dps is general is fucking stupid.  An arcane mage in a good bit of epics should be pulling some pretty stupid dps, more than other classes in my opinion.  What seems to be his peak dps?  2.1k seems to be around his average, with maybe a 2.5k sneaking in there.  Many will vouch that he is a complete fuck up in raids, having horrible dps, not doing things right, the whole bit of being a WoW retard.  I honestly don’t know how you can be so horrible with an arcane mage, for basic rotation it’s literally 3 buttons if you don’t want to mess with CD’s.  And if you wanna take it even easier and don’t want to mess with proc’s because you’re retarded, it’s 2!  FUCKING 2-3 BUTTONS FOR EASY DPS.

Vamp is a constant visitor into the Trade channel, a channel that everyone knows to house some very friendly people.  He will just say something random, or attempt to recruit people, and others will bash him in trade.  Bashing is normal in Trade, it’s nearly manditory for an insult to go out every 20 seconds, or else the server resets itself.  It’s a necessity really.  The insults consist of “Tough Chicklets suck” or “Vamp sucks” or “I didn’t know Vamp knew how to use a computer, his dps tells me he doesn’t!”  If you don’t see people bashing Tough Chicklets when they are in trade, you are ignoring some pretty cool people.

He will respond with a whisper involving “tough chicklets is a very good guild, we have over 800 members” or something along that line, and attempt to defend his precious guild.  If you retaliate, you will get a very quick response telling you that he has banned Sub, among many others (at least 11+ is his favorite number) and will not hesitate to get you banned.  He will also get many members of his badass guild to help him whenever possible.  I have yet to get banned by Vamp or any of his guildies, so I imagine that either the GM’s hate him too, or he doesn’t know how to work the ticket system.

If you survive his false bannings, you will eventually see him talk about his guild in trade chat, telling others that his guild 800 members, with 180 80′s, so his guild HAS to be good.  Have you ever dealt with a guild that large?  I thought not.  Because you know, if they all put in a ticket against you, you will surely feel Vamp’s wrath.  Don’t mind that I have only ever seen less than 20 on at a time, and more than 3/4 of them don’t even know the basics of the game, let alone know that you can petition something.  During all of this false bullshit that goes on, he will tell attempt to recruit anyone defending him.  He will tell you that TC is 10/14 Ulduar, and that they could really use you.  Makes you ask the question of why he says they could use you if he already has 180 80′s in the guild, but whatever.  Also, him saying that they are 10/14 is where all these things you remembered come into play!  If he is 10/14, wouldn’t he have glyphs and care about his dps?  Wouldn’t he have some achievements somewhere?  If he’s going to claim to random people that he is 10/14 Ulduar, he better be ready for an armory bashing like no other.

If that wasn’t enough crap to put up with, Vamp just adds to it all.  What I’m about to say I’m sure will make someone not like me more (no noez), but I feel like it should just be said.  Vamp is an open gay, which an my opinion is fine with me, I have no problem with the gay community.  But Vamp will constantly say in trade that he will want to get in vent with others, tell others that the night before was awesome, or just blatanty say that he enjoys a good dick sucking.  When it gets to this, I feel like it’s my right to tell him that he’s a fucking retard, and to insult him everyway possible.  In my opinion, I’m cool with a gay being around me, it’s all good.  But when he knows I’m straight and still attempts to be a little more than friendly, or just talk about balls in his mouth, that’s when it’s time to punch him in the jeans.  I might get someone to tell me that it’s not my place to tell others about his sexual preference, but he’s already told the whole god damn trade channel multiple times, so what’s a little more public knowledge gonna hurt?

Vamp will do this constantly, egging people on until he gets them to say something wrong, and then threaten them with a ban hammer.  Don’t be discouraged my good members of Baelgun.  This is him using his last straw, he has no other defense other than a false threat.  This doesn’t mean to threaten to slit his throat or something (that friend of mine was suspended for a few days lawl), instead just continue to talk about his guild not being in Ulduar, or just in general calling him out on his bullshit claims.  This is the best way to combat a retard, just use small sentences, big ones confuse him.

He will eventually break down and just stop talking, or attempt to change subjects.  If you have gotten him to stop talking, you have won the battle my friend.  If he changes subject, make sure to go back to the subject that he is trying to avoid, it will hasten his retreat!  You will know he is about to quit when he soft enrages and begins whispering you telling you about his ban history.  Just drink a little dew or grab some chips, cause it’s free loot from here.

I truly hope this helps some of you see just how bad Vampressive is, and stay away from him in raids/groups, but I hope it encourages you as well too bash his stupid ass in Trade or /say chat.  Just know this:

Vampressive is by far the worst person I have ever seen on this server, and my rage towards him knows no bounds.

8 Responses to “In-Depth Look at the Disease”

  1. I came.

  2. Friggate Says:

    Oh my god, Mr. Dawts, You have succeeded once again. /bow to you sir

  3. Floobert Says:

    You.
    are.
    a.
    GOD!!

  4. Corduba Says:

    Holy.
    Shit.
    This is amazing.

  5. arkanaught Says:

    You make my day dawts :)

    Amester

  6. I know this is late and I’m posting it without fully reading the article, but Vamps 0-7 three’s is rather impressive wouldn’t you say.

  7. Rhiannan Says:

    I found out the site vamp uses for his guild rankings wowrank.com /fail

  8. Underwood Says:

    You can rant at my wedding…

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